Posted by: mylovingheart | May 12, 2013

Love the Journey!

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“Are we there yet?” was often spoken in the car on one of our many trips as a family when I was growing up.  I hated being in the car.  I just wanted to get there and skip over the time that it took to get there.  Often times my brother and I would just sleep in the backseat in hopes that it would make the trip not seem so long.  Once I became an adult and had children of my own, I remember once saying “Look kids there is the Grand Tetons”.  They were 4 and 7 at the time and had already endured 10 days in the mountains of Montana and in Yellowstone National Park.  They did not look up from their coloring books and said that the mountains all looked the same to them.  My husband and I were just amazed at these majestic mountains, and to them it seemed like once you have seen one you have seen them all.  As a family we have always loved to travel and explore new places, but I have to say the richest journeys were the simple day to day things of life that made life rich for me.  The people and the experiences that we had all met throughout our lives had enriched us in so many ways.

I was always impatient.  Never did I like to wait for things, especially if it was something that I didn’t like to do.  Often I would just want to ask again “Are we there yet?” in order for it to be over with and I could move on to bigger and better things.  It was only after the children moved out of the house and my husband passed away did I realize that now I have a whole new journey to my life.  For me it made me take a long hard look at my life and knew that I was going to have to surrender to wanting to hold on to the past and accept God’s will for my life.  The other thing was that it was going to take time.  That I was not going to be able to just rush through this process, because I needed to heal and embrace all of the possibilities of what was yet to come.  To become quite comfortable with who I am and most of all to just take time to enjoy the ride without any expectations of where my destination was going to be.  For someone who likes to control their world, that last part was not going to come easy.  What it also required was letting God prune me.  He needed to remove the things that no longer served me anymore so that I could come into fruition the woman he wanted me to be.

What have I learned along the way so far ….

Life isn’t fair, but it is still good.

When in doubt, just take the next small step.

Life is too short– enjoy it!

It is okay to let your children see you cry.

It’s never too late to be happy, but it’s all up to you and no one else.

When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

Always choose life.

Believe in miracles.

All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

and the best is yet to come ….

Do I still want to know what God has planned for me?  Sure, but it will only happen in His timing, not mine.  There are so many hopes, dreams and desires I have for the future.  What I do know is that every day is part of the journey that I have come to love.  It is filled with all that life has to offer.  I have absolute faith in what God has promised for my life.  Life is a journey that I hope you will also continue to embrace and let’s join it together!  It will be filled with LOVE, JOY and PEACE!

Posted by: mylovingheart | May 7, 2013

It is Well With My Soul

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It has taken a long time and a great deal of healing to reach a point where I can say “it is well with my soul”.  It is a journey that I knew in my mind and in my heart was absolutely necessary.  What did I learn along the way?  I learned that life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.  That when in doubt, just take the next small step.  That life is too short and to learn how to enjoy it.  To make peace with your past, so it won’t screw up the present.  To cry with someone because it is more healing than crying alone.  That it is never too late to be happy, but it is all up to me and no one else.  Time heals almost everything, and I just needed to give it time.  Most of all this journey has taught me that when it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer. 

What I also learned along the way is that this is a hurting world.  That everyone has wounds.  Some wounds are so deep that they don’t think they will ever recover.  I have to say that it takes tremendous courage to put yourself on a path of recovering.  There were days when I could not imagine anyone’s wounds being worse than my own.  Then all I had to do was have a conversation with a friend, family member or a client and I realized that my wounds were quite small compared to others.  The common thread was that everyone was wanting to be well with their soul.  That they wanted so much to have love, peace and harmony.  The real question was “how do I get there”?  Everyone has their own path of getting there.  Unfortunately some search for it their whole life and never get there.  I know that I absolutely do not have the answers, but know that I have spent a great deal of time just talking with God and praying for Him to show me the path he wanted me to be on.  It took choosing love over fear.  It took forgiving others, but most of all forgiving myself.  It took learning how to live without so many expectations.  To see the blessing in each person and situation.  It took most of all turning off my head and just letting love be love in its own way.  It took time to allow myself to just be at peace with who I was and what all life has to offer.  To allow some friends to get close, but then not hold on so tight when they were ready to go off on their own journey without me. 

The path can be full of twists and turns and hard to navigate, but when you allow God to lead you along the way, you will get to the place of where you can truly say “IT IS WELL WITH MY SOUL”!

 

Posted by: mylovingheart | April 29, 2013

Who Are You Serving!

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Last week was challenging.  It seemed everywhere I turned there was a problem to solve, frustration, hurt feelings and I felt myself being exhausted by the weight of it all.  Then I had to look closely at how I reacted to all that was being thrown at me.  What I saw was that I did not respond in kindness and understanding, but felt myself being angry and frustrated too.  I knew that I was holding on too tight to each situation and allowing it to completely consume me.  I was definitely allowing myself to choose fear instead of love.  Do you ever have weeks like that?  I am sure we all do.  What I had to realize was that I was reacting to each situation and not stepping back and letting the emotions die down. Most of all I was not seeking God to be in the center of my thoughts and actions.  It was just me defending my clients and the efforts that had been made to what I thought should be a good solution.

The timing was such that I was scheduled to volunteer to serve at a spiritual retreat for the weekend.  What a blessing!  To be able to serve and to put the entire bad week behind me and just allow my feet and hands to prepare and serve meals to 50 women who wanted to be fed by God’s love.  It gave me a chance to take a deep breath and step back from what I thought needed to happen with my work, and just put God back in the center of my thoughts.  To allow God to fill my soul with what it needed and not what I was filling it with.  To let my soul be filled with so much love, joy and peace. 

What I learned is that when there has been too much strife and anguish, it may be time to go on a spiritual retreat.  To take time to just allow yourself to feel LOVE and be LOVED.  Most of all that when you love God with all of your heart, mind and soul you will be fed with exactly what you need for today!  Then you can go out and love yourself and love others in a way that God intended.  Are there still going to be times of conflict? Sure, but I know that my reaction to that person will be with compassion and kindness and not demanding my way.  I just have to remember to look for the blessing in each situation or person and let my servant heart be filled with LOVE for you!  

Posted by: mylovingheart | April 22, 2013

Got Love, Hope and Faith?

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Often I get asked “How are You?”  Initially the reply is “I am good!”  Then the caring person would ask “No Really How Are You?”  It is so easy to get busy with just all the demands of the day and not really assess how you are doing inside.  It is very easy to fill your days and then you blink your eyes and a week or a month has passed.  When I stop and just spend some quiet time and reflect upon how I am doing it is amazing to see how much I have grown.

The journey to developing an absolute appreciation for the gift of life is filled with learning how to let go.  It is imperative to let go of the things that are keeping you from moving forward.  When you let go it allows there to be hope … and faith … and love … and grow from the inside out.  Since I am one of those people that feels that I have to control my world as much as possible, it was not easy learning how to step out in faith and have hope for what God has planned for my life.  It was a struggle I did not want to give up.  What I learned was that God loved me enough and loves you enough to want to remove all the anguish and frustration so that you can actually see and feel the love in your life.  To choose to be filled with joy for all the possibilities that are yet to come. 

Trust in His timing and having faith in His promises is not something that comes easily for me.  I just found that I had to not look back, but learn to get my eyes completely focused on God and enjoy living in the present.  Not worry about the future.  To become truly content within my soul.  With that contentment I discovered an abundance of love.  Also when I became content it made it very easy to have faith in God and hope for all the desires in my heart.

For the longest time I would not allow the desires of my heart to come to the surface.  Now with practice, I am learning to take those desires and to follow my dreams, to transform my life, to take the path that leads to God, to listen to my guardian angel, to transform myself, to be a warrior, and to be happy and take risks!  You can have it too.  You just need to have LOVE, HOPE and FAITH in your life to make it all possible.  Then you can ask yourself how you are doing and you can truly say “I AM GOOD!” 

Posted by: mylovingheart | April 15, 2013

Having Faith!

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So often I have heard people tell me to just “have faith”.  Everything will be okay.  Never did I realize how much faith would become such a vital part of my life.  There have been times that all I had was to remember to keep the faith.  On the other side of that though, I would get really low emotionally and each time it was because I lacked faith that my situation would change. Being so impatient and wanting everything right now.

I  do have FAITH ……

     in God

     in mankind

     in all the possibilities that are yet to come

     that my life will be filled with love …..

I know that my faith in God gets me through the day,  There are many opportunities where God is faithful to bring people into my life to be there for me and show me love.  It fills me with such peace.  The best part is that I have FAITH IN YOU and together we can be loved!

Posted by: mylovingheart | April 8, 2013

I Love You!

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The words “I Love You” roll so easily off my tongue especially when my children are involved.  I can’t help myself when I am saying goodbye to a friend or someone who is hurting to make sure to tell them “I Love You”.  Then I realized one day how much I loved saying the words as well as hearing them!  Recently I started noticing in my prayer time that I was hearing God telling me how much He loved me.  I kept thinking about John 3:16, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”  I still find myself in complete awe over how much God loves.  To just LOVE.  I felt that God wanted me to open up my heart and truly learn how to love.  To live each day letting LOVE be the guide in all things.  That would mean in some cases that you would have to love without a reply.  It would also mean to love someone no matter what they say or do.

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind and Love your neighbor as yourself” (Luke 10:27 NIV) That is LOVE.

Even though I do not currently have the love from one man in my life, God has shown me that there is so much more than just the love between a man and a woman.  That you can be filled every day with an abundance of love.  It is in all things.  You just have to be open hearted.  That I get to receive love and pour my love out in so many ways.  There are times when my love was not received in the way that I thought it would be.  That is when I knew that I loved them enough to set them free, but most of all to let love manifest in its own way and not in the way that I thought it would.

I have learned that LOVE is ……. peace, faith, hope, truth, joy, patient, eternal, kind, amazing, abundant, pure, happiness, everywhere, and the list goes on and on.  God is LOVE and LOVE is LIFE.  I know that love is everything and I want to continue to expand my heart to love even more.  We all have an amazing capacity to love.  LOVE SIMPLY IS!!!!

Posted by: mylovingheart | March 31, 2013

Change Me!

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After Ed died everything changed.  I mean pretty much everything.  My family and friends were not the same.  We were all trying to figure out how to get on with life without him being here.  I even had some people ask me if I was going to sell the house and my response was “NO”.  I needed something to stay the same.  When you have so many changes thrown at you at once it is hard not to just want to shut down.  That is when I found myself leaning on God more than ever.  Then I realized that as I went through the next few months that I was going to have to change.  That is when I became faced with a number of huge realities in my life.  That I could not stay the same.  Over the last couple of years God has been bringing to the surface all the things that I buried deep inside me.  All of the beliefs, thoughts, and roles that no longer served me.  No matter how much I prayed, I discovered that sometimes God doesn’t change the situation because he is trying to change your heart.  Time and time again, I found myself telling God “I don’t think I can change, but I know that if I focus on you the change will happen.”  Change is not easy.  Especially when you have 54 years of just “stuff” that you have been carrying around.  It was vital that if I was going to have this new chapter in my life, there had to be a changed person in order to go where God wanted me to go.  Believe me, I am truly a work in progress.

As time has gone on, I can now see the woman that is emerging that is happy, joyful, open for love, and is embracing this path and enjoying the journey.  I realized that I now desired to be a changed woman.  That there did not need to be sadness or grief, but a woman who saw all of the possibilities of what was yet to come.  Recently I read this in a book called The Fifth Mountain:  “Sadness does not last forever when we walk in the direction of that which we always desired.  Is it always necessary to leave?  It’s always necessary to know when a stage of one’s life has ended.  If you stubbornly cling to it after the need has passed, you lose the joy and meaning of the rest.  And you risk being shaken to your senses by God.”  I can speak from experience that God was showing me the things I was clinging on to and he kept shaking me to my senses.  That is never a fun experience, but it is absolutely necessary for someone that is as hard headed as I am.

I have learned to celebrate my brokeness, because I know that God loves me enough to be the glue to put me back together and keep me whole.  I have no doubt that God is not through with me yet.  That he has more changes in store for me.  I know that I will still make mistakes and periodically fall back into some of my old mindsets.  That is okay, because I know that each person and experience in my life is the perfect preparation for a future only He can see.  I just have to absolutely trust in his timing and have faith in his promises.  Change has shown me how much I am loved and how to have peace!

Posted by: mylovingheart | March 26, 2013

Let Love In

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Recently I heard someone say “When the pain of holding on becomes greater than the fear of letting go than we become more open.”  Believe me I am the queen of holding on to things for way too long.  Often times we hold on and stay in a relationship with someone because we have so much fear that we will not have love again. In my case, I found myself holding on to the past. I always knew it was a faith issue.  Did I have enough faith to let go and just follow my dreams?  Was I willing to let go so that the winds of change would set me free?  What I knew from deep within me was that my heart and soul wanted to choose life!  Each one of us can choose life by allowing the wind to bring in new things and experiences.  I just needed to be open to the possibilities of what was yet to come.

Lately I have been learning how to let the important things in my past shape me into the woman I am becoming.  To fully embrace those life lessons even if they were painful but rich with blessings.  To just be in a place where I am happy with who I am and to just allow love to manifest in its own way.  That sadness does not last forever when you are walking in the direction of that which you always desired.  In order to go forward, it is necessary to know when to leave because that stage in your life has ended.  What I am reminded time and time again is that I cannot stubbornly cling to when that stage has ended or I will risk being shaken to my senses by God.  God has shown me that I can have faith in his promises and trust in his timing.

What I am embracing in this new chapter of my life is that I can free myself to live in the present.  That there is a tremendous amount of space that can be filled up with love and with life’s joy!  To be open to the possibilities and to just LET LOVE IN!!!

Posted by: mylovingheart | March 17, 2013

Learning to Love Again!

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Recently I heard a preacher say that “Forgiveness is giving up all HOPE of a better PAST”!  Let that soak in.  I could spend a lot of time going over the past.  Playing past conversations and experiences, but I realized that it wasn’t going to change anything.  It just was keeping me stuck.  I didn’t want to stay stuck, I wanted to move forward.  I wanted to have hope, joy and love in my life.  I had to let God restore me.

It is necessary in order to move forward to tell your old story in detail until it just doesn’t seem so important anymore.  When you do, you will find that things that you thought were important weren’t really that important, but then the really important things will stay with you. Also, I noticed that it was opening up a space for there to be new stories and new experiences and the love inside me was starting to grow.  I could feel myself growing with it.  Recently I read something that just made me think.  It is from the book The Zahir, by Paulo Coelho:

That is why it is important to let certain things go.  To release them.  To cut loose.  People need to understand that no one is playing with marked cards; sometimes we win and sometimes we lose.  Don’t expect to get anything back, don’t expect recognition for your efforts, don’t expect your genius to be discovered or your love to be understood.  Complete the circle.  Not out of pride, inability, or arrogance, but simply because whatever it is no longer fits in your life.  Close the door, change the record, clean the house, get rid of the dust.  Stop being who you were and become who you are.

I knew that my past would always go with me, but it was time to become who I was meant to be. That it was vital for me to free myself from some of these emotions, so that I could create space to be filled up with more love and with more of life’s joy.  It was absolutely necessary for me to learn along the path to love again, that I would not always have people love me in the way I imagined that I would want to be loved.  That some people are still suffering from their own wounds that are keeping them from opening up THEIR heart to love again.  That I had to allow love to manifest in its own way.  You just have to allow people to be who they are and love them anyway.

When you love yourself, you can be open to love others and to love again!  You just have to imagine a new story for your life and start living it!

Posted by: mylovingheart | March 10, 2013

Thanks for the Memories!

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When you get to be in your Fifties you have a lot of memories.  The first kiss, the awkwardness of the teenage years, coming into my own in my twenties, walking down the aisle to get married, the birth of our two children, and all the joys and sorrows of a full life.  Some of those memories are not so great.  The heartache of my parents splitting up when I was 12, having loved ones who have passed away after a long illness and some rather quickly.  When Ed was diagnosed with cancer the doctor looked at us both and said “Go make some memories!”  Thank goodness we had been blessed by already having some great memories of our life together, but we took his advice and made some great memories for the time he had left.  Along with just spending quality time as a family, one of our most treasured memories was giving our daughter the wedding of her dreams.  She will always treasure that her father was well enough to walk her down the aisle.  So much has happened I have had to go back and look at pictures to recall some of the memories of years ago.

As I continue on this new chapter in my life those memories have given me great comfort and moments of laughter and absolute joy.  Those memories can get you through some of your darkest days.  You learn to treasure the smiles, the moments when you were so loved, and all the people and experiences that have prepared you for the person you have become.

Sometimes our memories can be our worst enemy.  I don’t know about you, but I can forget all the compliments and words of encouragement and remember the one negative comment that someone said.  I can even go to the place of holding on to being ‘rejected’ instead of focusing on all of the ‘acceptance’ I have received.  Unfortunately there are times when you think about it over, and over, and over, and over again and it becomes all you can think about.  When I find myself in that cycle I look for the blessing in that situation or that person and make a decision that I need a “NEW MEMORY”.  A memory worth treasuring.  What I have to remember is that I have a lot of good memories and that needs to be what I chose to have as my main thought process.

The memories I am going to continue to create is the amazing moments with friends and family, finding a new love in my life (you are out there somewhere), and all the other great experiences that God has planned for my life.  It will be filled with peace, love, and joy.  LET’S ALL GO MAKE SOME MEMORIES TOGETHER!!!

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