Posted by: mylovingheart | March 10, 2014

Love is a Sacrifice!

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Often I have wondered what is more painful—watching the love of your life have his health slowly decline and then die OR the aftermath of picking up the pieces and starting a new chapter of your life.  Each day you have this constant struggle of wanting that love back, but also at the same time opening your heart for a new love to come into your life.  Believe me, after someone dies or even when a relationship ends, there is this huge void that the person left.  The void of broken dreams, past memories, the absolute love that came out of the relationship, and so much more.  I am a firm believer that what you do with that “void” can be both rewarding and detrimental depending on how you handle it.  Often times I would cry out to God please heal these broken pieces that are within me.  Each time He did.  That process is neither an easy one nor a quick one, but it is absolutely vital so you can get to the other side of healing.

I am also a believer that God made us for relationships.  The most painful part of losing a loved one is also accepting the friendships and family that were associated with that loved one no longer choosing to be a part of your life.  I had to realize that everyone grieves in their own way and often times they just can’t be with you, because you are too much of a reminder that the loved one is gone.  You try not to be selfish, but when it happens, it almost like you not only lost a loved one, but you also lost some of the other love that was associated with them.  I have learned that love is a sacrifice.  That even though you still love the people and even though you want to be a part of their life, you must sacrifice your desires and allow them to go their separate ways.

Often I have told God, “I don’t understand why you would have someone like me who has love oozing out of every pore of her body be alone.”  He would so gently remind me, “I know you have that love within you, because I made you that way and you are not alone”.  I have amazing friends, colleagues, family, and clients all around me.  Dating was not something I was a fan of in my twenties.  You can’t imagine what it is like to date in your mid-fifties.  There is now 30 more years of failed relationships, marriages, kid problems, and overall insecurities and brokenness in each and every one of us.  How is it possible to weed through all of that in order to find a place where you just are meant for each other?  There have been a few men that I thought, “wow this is amazing and you just enjoy spending time with them.”  Then poof they are gone.  Each time I would have a great conversation with God and ask “why”.  Every single time he would tell me, “You have planted My seeds of love and you have done everything I needed you to do.”  Then I would say, “Why God don’t I get to love them and let them be a part of my life?”  Then I would remember that Love is a Sacrifice.  That often times God just needs you to plant His seeds of love and then allow God to nurture those seeds because He knows what He wants to grow in that person.  The other thing God continues to remind me that even though I am stomping my foot and screaming “when will it be my turn to have love in return.”  He reminds me that it will be in His timing and He is preparing me and that man for when He is ready, not when I think I am ready.

There have been times when my heart was broken I would cry out to God and tell Him I just can’t do this anymore.  Then I think about what my physical trainer would tell me.  You have to sometimes break down a muscle to build it back up stronger and better than before.  Just when you are about to quit, because you think you can’t do another exercise, that  is when you need to push through the discomfort and do one or two more reps in order for the muscle to get stronger and better.   I believe that is what God is telling me about my heart.  He is telling me that He is making my heart stronger and better, and that I need to keep pushing through the pain of what I think my heart can stand in order for my heart to be stronger and better to LOVE.  To never stop loving no matter what happens, because God knows the desires of my heart and He absolutely wants me to have it.  What is important for now is to remove what I think is my selfish desires and look to His love for me.  Recently I heard a quote that just resonates with what I think God is telling me to do.

Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get; it’s what you are expected to give, which is everything.” –Author Unknown

I will gladly give everything and know that I will continue to LOVE in every way I know how.  I just don’t know any other way!

GOD LOVES YOU AND I LOVE YOU TOO!


Responses

  1. I too suffered a terrible wound to my heart. I lost the love of my life and my best friend….my wife to cancer. I was angry with God how could this happen to such a wonderful and beautiful person. My family and friends were there for me, but I was alone. At family events..birthdays,Christmas day,vacations together….it was as if I was standing outside a happy house and looking in but not experiencing the joy and love. There was a hole in my heart that could not be filled.

    I started going back to church (St. John’s UMC),and to a support group at cancer services. After almost two years I found my faith again and asked for God’s forgiveness for my anger and cursing his name. I completed my Walk to Emmaus and I volunteer at St. John’s food pantry. I think, was this God’s plan for me? I do now experience joy and love, but there is still a hole in my heart . I just wish ……oh well.

    • Duane– I know what you mean. It is hard to observe joy and love and you being alone. God will give you the desires of your heart. What I have told several people, “If God loved me enough to bring this amazing man for me to share half my life with, He is not going to drop me on my head now and tell me I have had my allotment of happiness.” Have faith. He is preparing you and the woman you are to be with for another amazing love.

  2. Just saw your reply tonight. Thank you. I was a prune at the last walk!

    Duane

  3. Dios te ama y te amo….my reply to our Spanish speaking members to our pantry. I was saying this to members before I read your letter. Duane


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