Posted by: mylovingheart | December 2, 2012

What Do You Expect?

ImageA long time ago when I first became a parent, it caused me to look at my own dad in what kind of father he was.  As a parent, I established my own set of expectations of what I thought a good parent was.  Unfortunately, I developed resentment towards my father for not meeting those standards,  It affected our relationship.  Every time I was around him all I could think about was what he had not done.  He felt and knew my disappointment.  A very wise pastor told me, “Your level of expectation of what is a good dad is different than his”.  It was the most profound and freeing statement anyone had ever said to me.  In his eyes he was a good dad and was doing the best he could do.  Once I could see him through his eyes it completely changed our relationship.  No more resentment, but just embracing the father he is to me.

That lesson of years ago came back this week and caused me to look at how I perceive every person in my life.  My friends, sister, brother, etc.  Was I seeing them for who they thought they were to me?  No I wasn’t.  I had again established my own set of standards of who was a good friend and on and on.  We all have our own issues that cause us to make the decisions in our life on how we are to be the people around us.  You have to embrace their limitations and just love them for who they are.  When I was able to truly look at the person within, I was able to set them free and see the blessing of how much they enrich my life.  Imagine if you could just have absolute joy in letting them be the person they are.  Once you are able to do that, you will find you receive back so much more love and your relationship with that person will completely change.  They will no longer feel that they have to meet any expectations, but to just love you in the way they know how to.  You must give them that freedom.  You can then no longer be frustrated or resentful and can see the blessing!

It is important to have some core absolutes in what you expect or you will be treated any way they choose.  You must know yourself in creating that absolute list.  For me, I will only allow those relationships that will have love, respect, compassion, joy, and acceptance.  I think they would expect the same from me.  I strive to live by the Golden Rule and to treat everyone the way I would like to be treated.  When you do, you allow there to be absolute freedom to love and be loved!!


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