mylovingheart

After coming back from the New Zealand trip I started questioning everything about myself.  No one can prepare you for the wide range of emotions that come with losing someone in your life.  For a number of months I was probably following the stages of grief and the first being denial.  Now I found myself in a phase where so many things had changed that I just felt lost.  At that time I reached out to a grief counselor through St. Joseph Hospice.  She told me that by holding everything in for so long it had to come out.  There were so many things going through my head that I just couldn’t figure out how to get balance in my life.  Never before had I felt so lost as I did sitting in her office.  She suggested that one way of processing what was going through my head would be to write Ed a letter.  It had to be handwritten and that something about writing it out helps you sort out what is flowing through you.  It seemed like such a strange concept to write to someone who was no longer here to receive it.  God knows when you are lost and walking around in the “desert” trying to find your way back.  You can discover some amazing things about yourself if you are willing to look inward.  Many a day was spent in quiet reflection with God about having him reveal to me about what needed to be healed and where he wanted to take me on for my new journey.  You do have to be careful not to search in the wrong places and “lose” who you are.  I found that if I just kept seeking his voice and guidance I was always going to be on the steps he wanted for me today!