Posted by: mylovingheart | August 1, 2012

Hello! Welcome to MyLovingHeart!

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Think about the journey you would take if your husband of 26 years died from a seven year battle with metastatic colon cancer.  What your heart would feel like after losing your best friend and the father of your two children.  This man named Eddie “Ed” Anderson was thoughtful and inspiring and devoted his life to showing grace and love to everyone around him.  His wisdom and giant-sized heart greatly  impacted all, and is the inspiration behind this Vision of “A Woman’s Choice to Gift her Loving Heart to the World.”  Through this sharing you will see how to not only mend your heart after a loss, but also how to heal, expand and overcome the challenges and obstacles life has thrown your way by opening and sharing your loving heart with the world.  Hopefully through my story of deep loss, pain, growth and creation of this new life of mine, you will find the inner peace and love that can only come from God’s love for you.

The best place to start this story is after he was diagnosed with cancer the doctor looked at us and said go make some memories.  We took his advice and over the years we made some beautiful memories.  This thoughtful husband, father, friend and amazing man taught me more about God’s grace.  On the morning of the rehearsal for our daughter’s wedding I was given a vision by God of standing before my church and giving a message about what I had learned about God through my husband, Ed.  After speaking with my preacher she said it had to be right because there is no way you would think that up on your own.  Was she ever right.  I never thought of myself as a public speaker especially over something so personal.  In the vision God gave me several examples.  He also told me that I was to do it before he died.  Throughout my journey and walk with God there have been numerous times when I knew God was clearly giving me a message to give someone.  Also he was telling me what I was to do even if it did not make sense to me.  I have tried to be obedient even when it was completely out of my comfort zone.  I just knew that there was a purpose that must be fulfilled.  Below is the message that God had me deliver in May 2011:

“What I Have Learned about God’s Grace Through Ed”

By: Janet Anderson

Do you ever find yourself reflecting on how God brings people into your lives and those moments where at the time you did not realize God’s hand or his Grace in that moment?  I have been thinking a great deal lately about God’s grace.  I want to share with you some of the moments in my life where I have learned so much about God and his grace through my husband Ed.

The first thing I learned was back when I was in my early twenties and was a legal secretary, when this senior law student came to work for my boss as his law clerk.  Ed was this cute rather sure of himself guy, who was, I think at the time, trying to make a few moves my way.  I was just looking for someone to help me move out of my apartment.  Little did I realize that it was the beginning of a friendship like no other.   Over the years he was dating other women and I was dating other men, but we were always the person we could go to if we needed a friend.  He met my family and he became close to my brother Don.  Don periodically would tell me that he thought I needed to pay more attention to Ed.  My reply was that he should date him because I wanted to date someone else.  I even moved to Houston during this time.  My brother Don was the one that Ed confided in after numerous years that it was his sister that he was the happiest to be with.  He told him that I had no clue, and that he was going to have to go to Houston to retrieve me.  When I think about that time, I think about how often in our lives you think you are on that path is the right one that you are supposed to be on, and then find out that God has this whole other plan.  He is willing to plant seeds in certain people, like my brother Don, to guide you onto the right path.  Thank goodness I woke up and realized that Ed was that person I am supposed to live my life with.  I also think it has to be in God’s timing.  All the heartaches and circumstances that we both had to go through in order for us to be right for each other.   As of recently, Ed and I have wondered what type of people would we have become if we had not been married to each other.  I told him that I know that I would be more selfish and still wondering around trying to get it right.  We have often laughed at how we could both be headed towards a cliff and he would stop, look down and think about how to get down.  Me, I would go straight off the cliff and then realize I need a better exit plan.  God knows that I needed Ed to make sure we balance each other out.

The second thing I learned was that if you want someone special in your life to have a relationship with Christ to never stop praying for that person.  The other thing I learned was that the relationship with Christ is never going to look the way I thought nor would that prayer be answered in my timing.  I belong to a prayer group with two other women.  We have seen some mighty prayers answered by three women coming together once a week and praying for our community, our families, our jobs and whatever else God placed on our heart.  We have found that there have been numerous prayers that he did not answer because God had something else in mind.  We prayed for our husbands for years and years.  Each one of our husbands has become mighty men of God in their own way.  God has taught me through Ed that no matter what agenda I have for him, he was going to do it only if he wanted to.   He taught me early in our marriage to remove “you need” from my vocabulary.  I did not realize that I was telling him “you need to do so and so”.  He very sternly told me that he didn’t need to do anything.  How often I have caught myself not allowing God’s grace because I was too busy telling God what I wanted.   I just have to learn to get myself out of the way and watch what can come my way if I just let go.

The next thing that I learned about God through Ed was the pig theory.  Ed told me on too many occasions that you need to stop yourself when you are violating the pig theory.  There are two parts to the pig theory.

1)      You never teach a pig how to sing.  It only frustrates you and makes the pig angry.

and/or

2)      You never wrestle with a pig.  It only gets you dirty and the pig enjoys it.

Often I would come home and ask Ed for advice on a situation.  I would tell him about how no matter what I said the person just did not grasp what I was trying to tell them or they would not change their mind.  He would then very gently remind me that I was violating the pig theory.   He said they are not going to see it your way.  Then it hit me one day that often times when I was wrestling with God’s will that no matter what God had another plan from mine.  I was the pig.   Learning again to get out of the way of my will and letting it be God’s will.  Isaiah 55:8-9 says “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.  As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your thoughts.”

The next thing I learned was about accepting people for who they are.  Ed is a lawyer and often lawyers get labeled as being jerks.  What some people don’t stop and realize is that in law school they are taught to take a position and to defend it to the end.  That means in each situation you may find that you have opposing views.  It is quite easy to think that person is a jerk because they don’t share the same view point.  Somewhere in there lawyers will need to find a solution that hopefully everyone can be satisfied with.  Ed has always been kind and methodical in working to find a solution.  It requires a great deal of Grace to find a solution when the opposing side is really being a jerk.  When you are kind and give people the opportunity to agree to disagree you can at least agree that it was done with respect for the other person.  1 Peter 3:13-17 says “Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good?  But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed.  ‘Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened.’ But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord.  Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.  But do this with gentleness and respect.  Keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.  It is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil.”

The most precious thing I have learned is that through God’s grace you can have the strength and the wisdom you never thought you could have to go through the trials in your life.  For the last seven years Ed has been battling colon cancer.  In some way I believe that when we experience pain and suffering we are much more in tune to God—not because God enjoys our trials, but because he delights in getting us through them.  Not only can we hear God’s voice more clearly through our pain, but we long to hear him.   I have watched this man take a hand full of notes with him to his chemo treatments and use that time to write notes to people telling them how much he was thinking about them and was hoping they were doing okay.   Through his illness I have watched him direct his focus on God and in comforting others instead of focusing on himself.  That is where God’s grace is and that is what he is giving Ed.  God’s grace is what allows Ed to do all those things.  Psalm 121:1-2 says “I lift up my eyes to the hills – where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.”  Ed has felt such a connection with Paul.  He could relate to Paul because he was a small man and was a lawyer.  He was always amazed at how Paul could be beaten and tortured but yet he still got up and preached the word of God to others.  Paul wanted so much for others to have such a love and relationship with Jesus Christ.  I have watched Ed no matter how much pain he was in would still be making sure to give people a gentle word of encouragement or help them through their rough time.  He always wanted to find a way to give someone comfort.  2 Corinthians 9:12-14 says “This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of God’s people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God.  Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, men will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else.  And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you.”

The last thing I have learned is to find a place to sit and take in God’s beautiful land.  Ed would tell me about being around nature was calming to him.  That it was a place where you could clear out all of the clutter in your head.  Remove all the checklists and other things that were demanding your attention.  That you could just “be” and find peace in those quiet places.  Sometimes for whatever reason you are not able to go “commune with nature” and instead you may feel just as much comfort by being in whatever quiet place you can find.  I learned that women must respect when a man needs to be in his “cave”.  When you go to those quiet places and feel God’s peace and his presence you will find his grace is overflowing.

So what have I learned about God through Ed is that I need to be willing to accept and pay attention to those moments when God is guiding us on a certain path, to never ever stop praying for someone to have a relationship with Christ, to also look for those moments where I am violating the pig theory, to accept people for who they are, that God’s grace will give me the strength and wisdom that I need, and most of all to find those quiet places so that God can just pour his grace all over me.

Thank you Lord for loving me so much that you brought Ed into my life and may we continue to learn more about God through each other.

Eddie Anderson passed away on August 19, 2011.  My journey which I will share with you is how I am mending my broken heart through God’s grace and love.


Responses

  1. Congratulations Janet on entering the world in a way that your Light shines so brightly!!

  2. Beautuful post Janet. Thank you do much for the incredible transparency and vulnerability you are sharing. I am excited to take this journey with you…

  3. LOVE your blog pic btw. So intriguing and inviting. Makes me want to dive right in! 🙂 I can’t wait to read more….


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